Sunday, February 15, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
I Can't Always Girl Very Well.
I hate the word Cardigan.
There's an event coming up in a month and I've broken from my sweater and hoodie domain on the internet and found myself lost in a sea of prim button down single coloured ... Cardies.... That word I hate above all others.
One after another I stared feeling bored with each one that passed me by.Its made me frustrated. Each one I look at is more boring than the rest. Its a listless, thin sweater with buttons. Yet it is practical. I've mooched one from a friend when I forgot my sweater.
Then I start looking at how to do an up-do that looks nice. I do very little with my hair other than up or down, with a few variations in-between. I don't know the hair products that I'd need to pull it off.
After all this I feel less feminine, like I'm missing something I was supposed to be taught. How to dress. How to primp.
I feel, sometimes like the feminine is defined by fashion. And I do enjoy fashion and I often use it to help build my personal identity, but sometimes I struggle with pieces of clothing that come natural to many people, or that they just accept. I feel inadequate that I don't have this silly piece of clothe. I feel un feminine, like I'm missing out and yet the idea f purchasing one makes me feel silly. I'll look frumpy and posh. I'm not frumpy or posh. Even when I did dress that way for an old office job, it was never with out my own slice of quirk.
My role modles as a kid were often weirdos and strong types. In my youth it was Jim Carry, authors. Now its more fantastical and powerful women.
I don't want to buy this thing just because I'm told its an essential part of a women's wardrobe. I want to buy something because I like it, because its useful and suits me.
Luckily, I am an adult and happy with my body, happy with myself, and while things like these might baffle me for a moment, I just need to remember that I'm an informed individual who can make her own choices when it comes to the exterior. I don't need to jump head long into the arms of Cardies and hair styling products. I am free! I am happy! I am me.
I'm just going to put on my historically inaccurate Viking hat and relax. I got this.
There's an event coming up in a month and I've broken from my sweater and hoodie domain on the internet and found myself lost in a sea of prim button down single coloured ... Cardies.... That word I hate above all others.
One after another I stared feeling bored with each one that passed me by.Its made me frustrated. Each one I look at is more boring than the rest. Its a listless, thin sweater with buttons. Yet it is practical. I've mooched one from a friend when I forgot my sweater.
Then I start looking at how to do an up-do that looks nice. I do very little with my hair other than up or down, with a few variations in-between. I don't know the hair products that I'd need to pull it off.
After all this I feel less feminine, like I'm missing something I was supposed to be taught. How to dress. How to primp.
I feel, sometimes like the feminine is defined by fashion. And I do enjoy fashion and I often use it to help build my personal identity, but sometimes I struggle with pieces of clothing that come natural to many people, or that they just accept. I feel inadequate that I don't have this silly piece of clothe. I feel un feminine, like I'm missing out and yet the idea f purchasing one makes me feel silly. I'll look frumpy and posh. I'm not frumpy or posh. Even when I did dress that way for an old office job, it was never with out my own slice of quirk.
My role modles as a kid were often weirdos and strong types. In my youth it was Jim Carry, authors. Now its more fantastical and powerful women.
I don't want to buy this thing just because I'm told its an essential part of a women's wardrobe. I want to buy something because I like it, because its useful and suits me.
Luckily, I am an adult and happy with my body, happy with myself, and while things like these might baffle me for a moment, I just need to remember that I'm an informed individual who can make her own choices when it comes to the exterior. I don't need to jump head long into the arms of Cardies and hair styling products. I am free! I am happy! I am me.
I'm just going to put on my historically inaccurate Viking hat and relax. I got this.
Friday, February 6, 2015
The Realisation
Had an interesting revelation the other day brought upon when I was showing my boyfriend a t-shirt with an artsy elephant on it.He pointed out to me "Your at the age where you can dress like a hipster and get away with it."
I suppose for a second I lingered on the "get away with it" before registering the hipster portion of the sentence. The horror of the slight smile upon my lips was profound.
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| The mental process of being told you can still get away with dressing like a hipster. The end emotion is horror. HORROR. |
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Take Your Shot!
As I've said before, I like archery. I find it cathartic.
I want to be a better archer. Between this and my hundred other ideas, maybe I'll get there! :)
I'm about to buy some new cheepy fiber glass arrows, one went under the snow. Firing it into the snow feels like a rookie mistake, and I knew as soon as I watched it skid under that it was gone. But that's how we learn, by our errors. I took Will with me and we did our best to shoot, just for the sake of shooting. After the cheepy fiber glass, I'd like to get some wooden ones.
I think when I go shooting next, I'm going to lay out a target. The goal is to hit near it. I didn't say they were lofty goals. I can kind of cluster them now, but I'd like to be able to make the clusters tighter, and figure out how to keep them similar.
It was nice to go with Will too, he seems to like it and with a heavier bow, he could do some serious damage, or put some real force. I think a heavier bow would help me gain some strength. This one is about has a 20 lbs draw. Something stronger would help me build up my own strength. I need to research more though. Because I'm away to travel after all this, I would like something a little more practical.
I've also figured out to hold the arrows in my hand, rather than stabbing them into the ground.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Illustrations from Life in a Hostel
Saturday, January 31, 2015
My Half Broke Horse
This is Stan the Man.
His mother,
Lady, had been a gift to my Grandmother from my Grandfather. Abused most of her
life, she came pregnant, the sire being a well known Clydesdale to my Grandpa. Shortly after he was born, I wanted to name
him Ziggy, with the way he zigged and zagged on his gangly foal legs. But it
was grandma's horse, so grandma's foal and she chose Stanley.
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| Stan in his youth. |
He grew
nearly as big as the percheron in the stable and was eventually broken to draw,
which he does with a bit of trepidation, but takes a bit, bridle and harnesses draped
across him and hauling no trouble. Once this was done though, he received
little use, due to the ready to go grey team we had already.
For a long
time when I was young I wanted to do horseback riding, but a teacher when I was
young put me off. English riding was too ridged for me, and her constant
shouting and lack of actual teaching made it difficult for me to progress or
really develop an enjoyment of riding as it used to be, not a show sport, but a
way of life for everyone. So I quit.
In my final
year of university, I was given the opportunity to study socioeconomic history.
I chose horses. The study resurged my interested and when my birthday rolled
around and my Grandma saw my interest in horses growing again after years of
disinterest and gave me Stan.
With school
done I returned home in the spring. When I'd left Uni and few friends took the
time to maintain contact. My heart had
been broken. I found solace in the shoulder of this soft breathing gelding I
put all my time into him. He was my
refuge at the end of the day, my challange.
I was determined to ride him.
My grandpa,
since he was 14 has worked with horses, usually draft, but our farm started as
a riding stable and he was the instructor. While he now suffers from short term
memory loss, he managed to still give me pieces of advice and commands
authority when it comes to working with animals. He fixed my mistakes when I
made them, teaching me.
Slowly,
patience, exercise and lots of brushing, Stan warmed to me. After a month I was mounted and took slow
walks around the farm yard. I even blogged our progress on another site! It was a lot of learning for the both of us, he was half broke and I'd never done anything like this before. Its one thing to train a dog, another to train 1500 pounds of muscle with a clumsy step.
I'd been on short little horses before and narrow horses, but I enjoyed Stan's size, he inherited his Clyde bones and build. He was built like the white chargers knights would ride on. And yet he made me laugh with his very un nobleness.Your supposed to wear heeled boots when ever you ride. 1500 pounds of horse flesh made me opt for a pair of steel toed boots. A little clumsy, like he's off in his own dream and a ardent fear of puddles.
You should be able to ride in any foot wear in my opinion.
I'd been on short little horses before and narrow horses, but I enjoyed Stan's size, he inherited his Clyde bones and build. He was built like the white chargers knights would ride on. And yet he made me laugh with his very un nobleness.Your supposed to wear heeled boots when ever you ride. 1500 pounds of horse flesh made me opt for a pair of steel toed boots. A little clumsy, like he's off in his own dream and a ardent fear of puddles.
You should be able to ride in any foot wear in my opinion.
But my training pain wasn't just limited to my toes. Once I took a dive off his shoulder when he got spooked, I sprained my shoulder but it never scared me like before.
Another time I nearly fell off, but managed to hold it. We rode through the cow coral, which he wasn't used to, and I was watching the road when he bolted back towards the gate. Cantering anxiously, I tried to rein him into a walk, at the same time realizing my sunglasses were slipping from the top of my head. I gathered the reins in both hands, hauling as I slid the shades back in place. To the cars slowly driving by we must have looked bad ass. He fumbled to a stop at the closed gate, both breathed ragged a sigh of relief.
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| Lunging Stan. I think this was the hardest thing for me to learn to do, and him. He kept getting dizzy,and so did I. |
I rode him
all summer, and into the winter.Through knee deep winters I rode along the road, covered in layers, riding a white horse over the fields, even stopping at my grandparents help.
I am not, and was not a great rider. But the difference between my ridged shouting lessons and this novice on novice journey was that I enjoyed what I was doing. I enjoyed building his trust, and reaping the benefits of what trust truly is. I learned to hold myself better in the saddle, finally understanding what my riding instructor could never seem to sink in. It wasn't just the riding.
The bugger loved to roll in mud. Mind you all of our horses love the mud. But he seemed to specialize in filthy. Yet there was a great deal of satisfaction in sweeping the crusty clay from him. Every time I came home and blew my nose, it was as black as his fur had been.
The bugger loved to roll in mud. Mind you all of our horses love the mud. But he seemed to specialize in filthy. Yet there was a great deal of satisfaction in sweeping the crusty clay from him. Every time I came home and blew my nose, it was as black as his fur had been.
My favourite thing to do was to bring him into the orchard, I would take all his tack off and let him wander free,
eating the over grown grass. Yet, if I started to walk about, he would begin to
follow my, ears pricked forwards in curiosity.
![]() |
| Stan in his orchard |
In the end,
I developed depression. Not severe and nothing genetic, but enough to make it
difficult to want to go outside, or even get out of bed. I was sad and no
manner of horse shoulders could seem to shake me from it. I got over when I could
and he still perked his ears when he heard my voice. But the place I was living was causing me a great deal of pain. Eventually I moved to Scotland, where I live now and have made a full recovery.
We had to
sell him this summer. My parents are trying to make the farm a money making place and 3 horses chewing away, pooping a lot and taking up space created a lot of work for my father and brother. He and two others were sold. With me over in Scotland it makes me sad I might not ever
see him again.
For a long
time, I thought I'd treated him ill by neglecting him during depressions. Now that I sit and write this I find myself
grateful. He taught me patience, perseverance, and how to build trust. I taught
him how to be handled with less fuss. And perhaps I
will see him again, find him happy on a farm somewhere.
He's a horse so I know he certainly can't read this, but if his new owners come across this, I hope they love him as much as I did. Thanks be
to Stan the Man, my friend!
![]() |
| At the height of my depression, still couldn't keep his bottom clean! One of the times I made it over to barn. |
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