I Can't Always Girl Very Well.

I hate the word Cardigan.

There's an event coming up in a month and I've broken from my sweater and hoodie domain on the internet and found myself lost in a sea of prim button down single coloured ... Cardies.... That word I hate above all others.

One after another I stared feeling bored with each one that passed me by.Its made me frustrated. Each one I look at is more boring than the rest. Its a listless, thin sweater with buttons. Yet it is practical. I've mooched one from a friend when I forgot my sweater.

Then I start looking at how to do an up-do that looks nice. I do very little with my hair other than up or down, with a few variations in-between. I don't know the hair products that I'd need to pull it off.

After all this I feel less feminine, like I'm missing something I was supposed to be taught. How to dress. How to primp.

I feel, sometimes like the feminine is defined by fashion. And I do enjoy fashion and I often use it to help build my personal identity, but sometimes I struggle with pieces of clothing that come natural to many people, or that they just accept. I feel inadequate that I don't have this silly piece of clothe. I feel un feminine, like I'm missing out and yet the idea f purchasing one makes me feel silly. I'll look frumpy and posh. I'm not frumpy or posh. Even when I did dress that way for an old office job, it was never with out my own slice of quirk.

My role modles as a kid were often weirdos and strong types. In my youth it was Jim Carry, authors. Now its more fantastical and powerful women.

I don't want to buy this thing just because I'm told its an essential part of a women's wardrobe. I want to buy something because I like it, because its useful and suits me.

Luckily, I am an adult and happy with my body, happy with myself, and while things like these might baffle me for a moment, I just need to remember that I'm an informed individual who can make her own choices when it comes to the exterior. I don't need to jump head long into the arms of Cardies and hair styling products. I am free! I am happy! I am me.

I'm just going to put on my historically inaccurate Viking hat and relax. I got this.