The Big Day

I suppose people might be waiting for the big day. The big day! The party to come. we've made promises of it. A celebration of our union. A celebration of two people united.

It a regular thing, often done with fine dress, lovely food, good music and words of love.

Its different though, when you're from another country.

The first comment people make is, "But you're married! You should be allowed in the same country!"

You would think. Most people believe the immigration system works like this. In some countries perhaps, or maybe some families recall from a grandparent they all they had to do was marry. But it doesn't work that way. The certificate gifted to us, at the glorious moment of union, is not a golden ticket. All it does is legally legitimize a relationship.

For some countries, like the United Kingdom, you need financial proof to go along with it, this is based on how much you have in earnings, savings, what sort of job you have etc. If you don't meet the minimum requirements, then you don't get to stay together.

There's been a joke floating around that because we have a cat and we're married, we're having kids next. That would be worse. Not only would my husband have to earn more money than he does a year, but if my visa were not approved then I don't enter the country and we'd be separated.

And its only a visa we're applying for. It's only 5 years of legally being allowed in the country. Not citizenship. For that, I would have to earn twice the wage he makes now.

Then there is the application itself. An error can set us back. A piece of missing documentation could turn weeks into months and months into years of waiting, stuck in a bitter limbo of longing, tears and blurry pixelated faces instead of just letting us get on with our lives and work, pay taxes like any other citizen of either country would.

So we must hire a lawyer. They have heir own fees and the application has a fee as well. I understand that lawyers work hard in school to understand a process that most people don't. It is an important job. Nevertheless the fees make me despair. They make me put down the phone, hang my head in frustration.

This is where I despair at the idea of a proper wedding. Its something we both wanted. Its something our families want. Perhaps it is something for others. Perhaps there are other celebrations we should invest in. A visa. A legal provider. Air plane tickets. All for love.

Gestures of love come in all forms. some much different than depicted in media. Love will come, for us, in the form of supreme  patience.

Our big day will be when we can legally live and work in the same country.

*we're already married. This is about the idea/concept of what we think of as a wedding