5.) Tape up that hole in your face. No more Mr./Mrs consumer for you. Put a healthy amount of duct tape around your face, through your hair too, that shit hurts. Look! No more food in your face.
4.) Get Chased by Wolves. I said no exercise but I am a liar. Getting chased by wolves is guaranteed to lose some weight. Not only by the running, but the adrenaline. Don't worry if they catch you, more of that stupid cellulite gobbled up. And you're helping feed hungry wolves! Aren't you the environmentalist!
3.) Eat Only Balloon animals. No worries for the suffering of animals any more! They're so light, yet filling. They do give gas though....
2.) Donate most of your blood. There's a lot of weight in blood. Get rid of that shit. Give it to the bank for safe keeping. You can withdraw it any time, just like a real bank. Plus, less likely to mess up white pants if you get a paper cut. Remember to leave a little bit behind. Just in case.
1.) Cut off your arms. Eat less by not putting your fingers near food. Literally cutting off the quick means to put food in your face hole. Not only that, arms weigh a lot. Get rid of them! Goal weight met.
*I don't promote any of this stuff. Don't do it. Consult a doctor instead of a blog fool.
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