"What's T.M.F.C.F.S.G?" I hear you blather ignorantly.
Why its Too Many Fucking Copies of Fifty Shades of Grey!
Whether your a new or used book store, you've probably lousy with those bluish black bastards, stock piled in some back corner, or in the middle of the store, praying that some dough head will buy it, practically begging between tears that those shlubs who begged for it a few summers ago, would grow some balls and pick these bundles of turds disguised as writing, and take them out of your valuable space.
But its just not happening, is it?
And you know that second and third movie is less of a life raft and more of a poorly written anchor, ready to drag you to your watery grave.
Well here at Last Stop On Route, our crack team of scientist have devised ways of making use of this giant sexy message prancing about as literature, Here are our top 5 uses for 50 Shades of Grey.
5.) * Confetti - Here's a easy first start! Make confetti. Make it as small as possible. Use this confetti at children's parties, weddings, even funerals can be livened up with a fist full of confetti in Great Aunt Patty's face for her comment about how much weight you've put on since the desperation from that dick you met at the Bruno Mars** Concert.
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| Unjoyous confetti with confetti |
4.) Building material - Whether its for building a foundation of a home, an extension on your kitchen or perhaps a fort for the kids to play in, you have the perfect building tool. Its square and biodegradable. Treat it like a square bale home, or treat it with utter contempt.
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| http://www.themarysue.com/fifty-shades-of-grey-fort/ |
3.) A murder weapon. No one would suspect this book as a weapon. If found at the scene of the crime, officers of the law would immediately come to the only logical conclusion: Bored to Death
2.) Kindling - Bundle it up, box sets will burn longer than each individuals. There are countries that are burning poop, so why not light up this turd and warm your home, or drunken bonfire. Trees will sigh a collective relief when you put their ill used brethren to rest at long last.
1.) An Effigy of 2016; Mold them into the shape of 2016. Then burn it. Kill it with Fire. With any luck, your efforts will purge us of last years carnage and political circuses and bring in the new year with more cheer, less death and a happier out look on life.
*The following is a failed submission: 5.) Re purpose the cover -- Why not attach some hip new thing grandma is reading? Tape some doe eyed Amish chick or 1800s prairie farmer to the cover and pass it along to the sweet old lady. She could probably do with some titillation and the writing may very well be on par. Her husband might even thank you.
** I don't know why Bruno Mars. Replace it with your own loathsome celeb if its irks you that much.
