Insides

Can you hear it? The empty sound coming from inside me? Can you hear the terror? The small creature filled with fear, scrabbling at the walls for a way out! There is none. Its trapped. Stuck. Fucked. Didn't do enough in life. Made the wrong choices. Picked a wrong path.

Not good enough. Not good enough.

The words won't even work right. Stumbling over each one. Why do I keep yammering over nothing? One liners just to fill a little void in me. I sound like a stranger to others and I'm left in the shadow of my own words feeling a fool. Feeling alone.

But I work so damn hard! I, this small creature feel like I work so hard. Never enough. Not enough fuel for the fire.

You'll starve!

I let it all sink in, like a sponge. All I want is for the world to be happy, so that perhaps then, I can be happy. 

Perhaps then ....

I Wore Your Shirt Today

I wore your shirt today, the one you toiled in.

Your smell has faded, but I know you were here.

It doesn't fit. It hangs off my bones.

But it looks better than all the gowns, finer than my own clothes. Rags.

Anything a designer could lash together pales against your shirt.

No Gucci for me.


It renders the body

I become glamorous in one breath, and in another closer to you.

I am where you stood. The thousands of miles do not ebb.

There is no vanishing distance. I can see it plain.

But for a brief time in the agony of early morning,

where I cannot find you, or your smell in the warm covers,

my pains are eased.



I wore your shirt today, my love.

Fan babies.*

One of the Green brothers announced he and his wife was having a baby.

I am excited! Why the hell am I excited? I don't even know them! But I want to know everything about it! Will it be a boy or a girl? What will its name be? Sci show will have parental leave breaks. Vlogs on spwan. What colours to babies need? WHY AM I SO EXCITED?????

http://www.gettincraftystampin.com/2015/07/so-excited.html

Is this what people who follow William and Kate felt like??? Am I a fan girl??? Is my maternal clock ticking? Jesus, no way body! I can't do babies right now in life. Christ, I didn't even eat dinner to night. it was a bag of freaking popcorn shared between me and two dogs.

Life is strange.

.... A train of thought piece at 7:40 in the evening.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_EqhhEvU4M

https://soundcloud.com/dearhankandjohn/056-is-it-going-to-throw-up



*I am not having or will be having babies for at least 4 to 5 years. No babies. No preggies.

Bear Poles

I know a few people who read this do some camping but my Canadian camping experiences have been limited and largely noneducational.

But I've been planning a road trip and some of it will involve camping.

Thus I have researched bear poles. A thing I didn't know was a thing.

And because I did not know it was a thing.

Bears are a problem for those in places with bears. While predators, they are more omnivores than anything, akin to pigs in that they'll eat what ever is tasty and easy.

Thus campers present tasty home delivery if they leave their dinners and goods out. So bear poles and other related bear deterants are used to hide or lock away food from their clawing paws.

But the above image is still what I think when I think of bear poles.